Grudge On
Fundamentally, there are none but ourselves to forgive. The grudges (resentments) that we hold, bind us to a non-existent past. A past SO past that we may not even remember it, and yet, in the soul cramp of the grudge, what’s lost to us is our Selves.
Outwardly, it might seem as though “they” are who “did you wrong”, but at the end of the day, it’s our judgement against them — which will never set us free — that weighs down our hearts, our minds and our lives. Day in and day out. Until we become exhausted. The weight of our likely justified resentment becomes too much to bear. This is what constitutes our anxiety, because our judgment will never cause us to feel safe, as much as we believe we are protecting ourselves from them by judging and grudging. Meanwhile, our anxiety exhausts us and leads to depression, while our grudge has little if any bearing on the life of the one we are judging— certainly not the bearing we might have it bear…
Remembering ourselves is the most effective recourse. What it is to remember ourselves is to, quite literally, bring all of the fragments of ourselves back together. Forgiving is what makes self-remembrance possible in an enduring way.
Grudging, on the other hand, ensures more anxiety, more depression, more burnout, and broken down relationships — even with those uninvolved in the grudges — more of all that we see in the ‘big world’ that must, at some point, come to an end.
“I am forgiven for the grudges I have held against my mother, my father, my family members who hurt me, my exes, my bosses, my neighbors, my community, my society, my culture, my history, my world, my Creator, by Creation ItSelf.” Just plug and play. It works on anything. If what we want is to forgive, we must begin with receiving forgiveness for our own grudges, against ourselves (yes, even those) or anyone else. Can you remember that those whom you would forgive started out innocent, just like you? Can you remember that it is you whom forgiveness would set free? Their freedom is up to them. There is only to receive forgiveness from yourself, for yourself, for holding yourself down with your own grudges. Justified or not. It doesn’t matter.
Valuing grudges over our serenity, over our mental health and wellbeing not only keeps us anxious and depressed, angry and overwhelmed, but it contributes to the collective unforgiveness that is driving all of the worst aspects of our shared world — obscuring us from the truth of who/what we are: whole, perfect and complete beloved expressions of Creation ItSelf. How much longer will we choose suffering over our freedom? Remember that as we free ourselves, we free our loved ones, too. Freeing ourselves from our grudges — from our un-forgiveness — heals us. In so doing, self-forgiveness heals our world. I’m not suggesting that it’s easy, but is anything truly worthwhile easy?
Everything comes down to this one message, echoing in every culture throughout the ages: Judge not, lest you be judged.
Not now? Then when? Not you? Then who?
